New beginnings

Yep, it's been awhile since I've posted here.  So many shifts and opportunities have come my way since I moved to Albany, NY.   One of them is that I joined a dance group. I've been practicing with them for about 2-3 months now and it's going great!  I love how I "accidentally" fell into it, while getting a haircut from one of the members ;-) 

It's definitely up my alley in performance and dance work.  I guess a decade ago you would've called it experimental dance, or dance theater.  It integrates so much of what I do in my own work, I feel so grateful and forntunate to be apart of it. 

The piece (which debuts February 22, 2013) is about people; and how people relate to one another in space.  There are a lot of elements to it, and humor.  We don't have a name yet for the piece, but that's definitely in the works.

I'm so excited to be able to share my passion with others in my life, who missed out on the stuff I did in San Francisco.  Although video is great, there's so much more to experience when you can actually be there and witness it. 

Here's to creating!

Transformation through Butoh: A part of day 1

I know why I love and hate butoh.  I love it for the transformational experience, and I hate it for the transformational experience.  It's truly amazing what can happen when you put yourself in uncomfortable situations and experiences.  For instance, in the practice of yoga, there's a purpose for putting the body into these awkward, (sometimes) uncomfortable shapes.  If you keep up with the practice, you can learn to integrate it into your daily life.  You can begin to soften when a difficult or painful event/situation/person arises.

That's exactly what I did in butoh teacher, Vangeline's workshop in NYC.  We began by walking in the space quickly, making eye contact with other participants.  Then we slowed it down. More and more and more. Until, we had a partner in a dead, eye lock.  That's it.  Just eye contact.  How uncomfortable is that?!  For many, yes!  It's funny what goes through your head and what you feel in your body.  The purpose of the exercise was to simply be in your body, while sharing space and energy with another.  Something we humans do all the time, but not always acknowledge it.  Emotions come up, and instead of supporting each other, we either walk away or disregard.  This is the juicy part about this work.  Allowing ourselves, each other, to be in the uncomfortable, together. 

My partner and I had quite an experience, as every other diad in the room.  As Vangeline instructed us to stand in a horse-like stance (high wide squat position), I could feel "the burn" kicking in. I was so happy I was in pretty good shape to hold it for so long, but boy did I feel it!  We began to mirror each other's movement, while in this stance.  Vangeline had us continue this for a total of two hours.  She would talk about how being in the uncomfortable can help us release old patterns or ways of being from ourselves, others, family, etc.  This took me back to my Holistic Health and Massage training days at the World School!  Of course, she would mention this throughout the process and it would stike chords in all of us. Some more intense than others. 

As I gazed into my partner's eyes, we began to make our way onto the floor in an upright, seated position, relying strictly on our ab muscles for support.  I could feel myself constrict and constrict just to hold the position. Then I allowed my body to soften a little, and it was at that moment, I began to weep.  I didn't know why.  Maybe it was the music; something Vangeline said; or the energy exchange between me and my partner, but I felt this release in my heart center and solar plexus (abdominal area).  It felt like old sadness and grief that I had been holding onto for a long time.  I could feel it rush out through my fingers, legs and toes.  I held my partner's gaze and she held mine.  I felt supported and safe.  Something we not always feel when we need to just let it out!

Later on, I realized how much I still judge myself  for feeling x, y and/or z.  Although, I have lots of support around me to acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings, I don't always allow it to be present; then store it somewhere in my body unconsciously.

This is why I LOVE butoh.  It helps me cleanse my whole being, while I share my present moment experience with myself and others.  For instance, when I perform on stage, I look out to the audience for that support to allow the transmission to happen, while still taking care of myself through the process. 

I guess the hate part can be that it really forces you to be present and confront yourself.  But I have to put this into the "love" part too because what a gift to be able to be witnessed, supported, and acknowledged at your most human moment ever.

I could go on and on with this.  But I know for those who have done butoh, know what I'm saying.  Even those who have witnessed may know what I'm saying at least a little bit because it has reached you in some way. 

There really are no words for it.  Just feelings, images, and movement. 

Video Blog #2: Rock Play at Tawasentha Park

Another video of me playing with the rocks this time down by the creek in Tawasentha Park. I believe the creek is called Norman's Kill, which I find interesting.  I wonder where that name came from? This dance was done on the same day as "Meeting Nature" from my previous post.

Taking the time to meet my surroundings; soaking in the air, sun, dirt, and sounds that encase the area; embodying, loving, accepting, being.  Feeling the wind whip around me, carrying the insects, leaves and butterflies to another unknown destination.  They know how to let go.  Perhaps we can learn more from them. More than we think.

Video Blog #1: Moving in new surroundings

It's been quite a trip since I relocated to Albany, NY from San Francisco.  Although, I will miss the beauty of San Francisco and the Bay Area, I'm beginning to settle into my new surroundings.

There are wonderful parks nearby to hike, picnic, and swim where there are lakes.  The other day I went to Tawasentha Park in the town of Guilderland (15 minutes west of downtown Albany).  Lots of trails to explore, picnic areas, a community pool, a baseball field, and a beautiful creek that wraps around half of it (or most of it).  It's a smaller park, but definitely brings you into nature.  I danced by the creek and with the trees.  I also brought along my new Mini Flip HD camera ;-) I had been wanting one of those for ages!  I'm so glad I  shut up about it and invested in it.

I'm finding my city/urban persona is hanging back, so my nature persona can grow.  One of the reasons to move was to get re-aquainted with nature and I'm realizing I had to move out of the city to do that.  Funny how living in San Francisco distracted me away from nature when it's surrounded by so much.  The intention was always there and I did make little trips to nature, saying to myself "I should do this every other weekend or twice a month."  But I would get caught up in whatever else was going on in my life.

I'm so glad my husband and I made this move.  It's a transition.  It's a change.  But I'm grateful for my family nearby, and to slow down the pace a bit.  So enjoy my first video blog of my ongoing Movement Investigation!

Pics from March Performance: "Awake"

Feedback from performance

It's very helpful to get feedback from the audience about what you're presenting, offering, showing, etc. In the past, I used to be terrified and would take a lot of it personally (I still do sometimes), but I feel, now, it's such an important part of growing in whatever you do. Artistic or not.

After my March 11 performance (video coming soon), I got amazing, detailed feedback. Detailed is the key word here. My intention for the evening was to have fun. I wanted to have fun and I totally had it. But hearing a couple of people's reactions to my piece was so appreciated because, let's face it, doing solos can be a lonely process!

One audience member acknowledged and appreciated my presence on stage, even through the intensity of it overall. How a performer/dancer can hold the space and be there, show up for the audience.
Another audience member (a long time practitioner of Butoh), gave such detailed observations right down to my fingertips! I was fascinated by the fingertips because I never really noticed it or considered it within the choreography. She explained the flow of movement through the fingertips, like when you touch something hot or are shocked; to continue that flow or extension as if it's literally coming through and out the fingertips into space. It's hard to describe in words, but I hope you get the jist. I know that my hands and fingers throughout the piece were in a claw-like position at certain points, so I really appreciated it and want to investigate that further.

My piece was called "Awake" and it was about peeling the layers of ourselves, bodies, souls. I was wrapped in white tule in the beginning, like a crysalus before a catepillar becomes a butterfly. From there, I worked my way out of it. The first audience member told me she could've watched me play with that much longer, and I instantly agreed because I remembered being in the moment and wanting the same.
Not for show purposes.
For me.

If you're in the SF Bay Area, butoh masters, Hiroko and Koichi Tamano will be teaching a workshop for a limited time while they're back in the US. Click here for more info.

3-9-12 practice: The Sutro Baths

Crouching on jagged teeth, rusty and hard
prickly surface under my feet, embracing
wind and atomsphere
elements surround my body, earth
sun warming and soothing
water within my reach but above hovering over
as the waves crash against the bath house
ruins I roam and glide along the edge
the rusty, rotted teeth peer up at me
inviting, raw and beautifully revolting
it was once alive and a piece of it stays
alive, for the sea water, gulls, ducks, salt
nourish and worship its spirit that still
lingers everywhere and all around
I turn away from the vast Pacific and
acknowledge the space, sacred ground, and once
lively meeting place of past guests visitors, socializing
and soaking in the beauty and tranquility
around.

Allowing the flow to dance

It was a very interesting rehearsal for my piece, which will be on March 11 (stay tuned for flier announcement). I began doing a run through of my current material and found myself totally in my head and not present. This was frustrating. I kept stopping and sitting. Stopping and sitting. So I grounded myself. Took 3 deep, cleansing breaths and decided to work on one section and be open to possibility. I turned the video camera on, pressed play, and after about 10 minutes, new ideas and material began to flourish.

I realize when I'm not being present, or controlling my movements because I think they should be a certain way, I need to stop, center, ground, breathe and be. I love dance, butoh, and performance. It's a way for me to be in my body; to be creative; and even have a catharsis. With choreography, us movers and performers can become attached to how it all is suppose to look and be. Instead of trying and feeling things out, we can get stuck on one idea or concept. Well, at least, this has been my experience in the past and present.

Once I began to hear the music and be in the space, I was more in my body and the experience. I wasn't thinking about when and where the next movement was going to come. Instead, I allowed it to come within and through me. I can't remember what butoh teacher I studied with said that, but I'm sure all them said something like it, but in a different way.

Perhaps it was because I was thinking about what the late Kazuo Ohno (one of the founders of butoh) said, "Not thinking, only soul."

Yeah. I think I was totally taking his advice today ;-) Thank you, Ohno San!

My butoh practice: Experience with the Axis

It's been nice having my Fridays free to practice movement and butoh. I've been setting aside a couple hours each Friday, especially this month leading up to a performance, which will be on March 11. But as I work on my performance piece, I also have time to practice exercises I've learned from others: teachers and classmates. It's also a great way to keep it fresh.

I practiced an exercise where you focus on your axis. In other words, that line between the tailbone and the crown of your head. I learned this from butoh teacher, Diego Pinon. You start standing with eyes closed or half open. You visualize your axis in your body, as if your body surrounds your axis. As you breathe, a subtle spinning begins at the crown of your head or tailbone; or if not spinning, a pull from one side of your body. This "spinning" or "pull" engages the body to begin turning along your axis. Once you go a few rounds, you may stop to feel your axis from time to time, but the idea is to keep turning along your axis. Then, at some point, you can open your eyes with a soft gaze. This adds the environment around into your vision and space as you move along your axis.

During this exercise, I initially felt the pull to go left. But about 5 min later, it switched. That never happened to me before. I always turned one way the whole time and I did this exercise for about 10 min. What I found interesting and funny was that I could feel myself resisting to go the other way! It was as if my mind was interjecting and saying, "Um, I don't think so!" But I allowed it. I wanted to see what happens.

Afterwards, I felt open, relaxed, and a little spacey. I always ground after doing an exercise like that because you don't know what you release or draw in. In a way, I felt almost TOO open, which is why grounding is so helpful and sometimes, necessary.

We don't know what could be lingering in/on our axis. I would love to investigate this practice deeper and perhaps on a regular basis, just to see what can come up. In fact, I find it very cleansing overall. It's another way to really BE in the body.

We shall see what happens this Friday ;-)

Teaching insight so far: Feedback from Seaweed/Current exercise

So I have taught 3 butoh classes so far (Woo Hoo!). It's been an amazing, eye-opening experience thus far and I can't wait to continue. I've been learning so much from my students as well as myself and how I want to move forward with this. Who knows. All day workshops? Group Performance? We shall see.

The feedback I've been getting back from students has been helpful and surprising. My purpose for these classes is to guide people more toward body awareness; simply being aware of the whole body or specific parts. Also, an awareness of what emerges through the unconscious/subconscious body/mind. I want it to be cleansing, as well as fun.

For instance, during one of the exercises we used text. As one person stood with eyes closed, they embodied a seaweed, water body, very fluid, but feet rooted. Another person would initiate movement by simple, intentional touch. In other words, they would act as a "current" in a body of water. As the "current" worked with the "seaweed", I asked the "current" to continue with just text or words to the "seaweed". So instead of the "seaweed" body reacting to touch, they would play with words that were presented in the space.

This brought on a completely different dynamic in relationship to energy and space. I asked the "current" to not think about what words they were going to say to the "seaweed" and to just be in the moment.

About two days later, I asked one of the students how that was for them and to give me any feedback. She told me that when someone said the word "tornado" this brought up a lot of stuff such as feelings of turbulence, destruction, and fear. She explained how growing up in Missouri (Tornado Country), she was always afraid and worried about tornados and didn't think about his aspect of her life for awhile. She also inquired about how this related to her life presently and how so many shifts were happening.

It's amazing what the unconscious/subconscious body/mind can bring out with simple movement, breath, and body awareness exercise. Movement where you really allow the body to soften and be fluid, rather than be stiff or controlled. I know when I have done this exercise how experiences have emerged from the past or what the mind or ego tells me what's going on or how I should be doing something.

This is what I find MOST interesting in this work and I can't wait to play more!