Containment

During my movement practice last night, I wrote the word, "containment" down. This word has come up before in past butoh/movement/dance classes and discussions. I revisited a piece I did back in October of 2009. It came from lots of personal experience, but also the way we, humans, people, hold in our emotions, which can manifest out in so many ways. I'm sure you can relate to this, and it's been one of my main investigations within butoh. How we as individuals contain our energy (emotions). Also, the reasons as to why we contain them. We all have reasons for doing it. For example, we don't want to hurt others feelings; we judge ourselves and others; we feel ashamed if we express it; or we're scared because of a time when we did express those emotions somehing unpleasant or traumatic happened. Whatever it may be, we all have been conditioned to contain "it" in some way, whether it by our parents, a teacher, childhood friend, etc.

As I allowed myself to revisit this material and moment in time, it was actually hard to contain the energy with my movement. I actually had to stop and take breaks. As this piece reflects a part of me, I thought to myself, "WOW! I was holding a LOT!" I was really scared to be me. I feared what others thought about me. I was ashamed to feel angry or sad about anything that would make anyone angry or sad.

I realize now that movement and dance, especially butoh, has helped me release this energy/emotions in a healthy, positive way. It's harder for me to NOT express myself. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it makes me feel vulnerable. But it's that need to be seen and heard that is being met. I feel understood and acknowledged.

One may feel it's self-indulgent and narcissistic; and it was probably ME who felt that way! HA! (Thanks negative self-talk for sharing). But really. The majority of the time, the dance, is for me.

If you have 20 minutes, check out my solo, "Me Bardo". The piece that I revisited last night.