I asked myself this question after attending, Between Experiment, Form and Culturalism: Butoh in History and Contemporary Practice at UCLA on May 20-22. I drove down with two other women, who also practice and dance Butoh. I received so much information, it was almost too much! But I got to see some amazing Butoh Dancers perform and connect with other like-minded Butoh enthusiasts.
So what is my relationship to Butoh? I don't know where to start, so let's ask another question, what is Butoh to me? Here's a list:
- mysterious
- transformation
- different from other dance forms such as ballet, modern, etc.
- cathartic
- emotional
- physical
- dark
- beautiful
- violent
- sensual
- moving meditation
- chaotic
- disorganized
- surreal
- healthy
I love it because it's everything for me when I witness, perform and practice it. I can't stand it sometimes because I can never explain it in words to someone, who has never heard of it. I usually say, "Go on youtube and search 'butoh'." I guess that's why I keep doing it. It's a continuous, ongoing practice, which changes each time you experience it. Something new emerges and more becomes clear or confusing. There's no set form because everyone carries it differently.
For example, Maro Akaji, who was one of the panelists and workshop facilitators at the UCLA Butoh Symposium, explained how we have "molds" or histories within us. These "mold" come from our past, ancestors, traumas, etc. We bring these molds to our Butoh practice. This is why I find it so intriguing and rich.
Although, I could probably write an entire essay on my relationship with Butoh, I feel, right now, it's complicated. But open. I'm open and willing to see what it presents itself to me, and not pushed or pressured into finding its meaning. Only a sense of allowing and appreciation for its mystery and beauty at this time.
For those of you who have practiced, performed and/or witnessed Butoh, what's your relationship with it? What keeps you interested and/or coming back? Love? Hate? Meaning?
